‘Tis the season of travel whether it’s to an all-exclusive resort, European tour, or week at the beach: Vacation Season. And if there is one thing I am great at…it’s vacation. If I could take up leisure and travel as an occupation I am 100 percent sure I would be an expert (if you know anyone hiring a travel writer I am your girl). I have done a good bit of traveling and still working on marking off a few more continents in the near future, but at the end of the day I would say I am pretty qualified to be giving vacation advice.
Today I will be covering the 3 Vacation tips your boss doesn’t want you to know about your upcoming trip. Believe it or not there are some people who do NOT like vacation. Yes, these very sad people experience elevated levels of anxiety and stress caused by the variance from their normal schedule. And to these people my advice is that you need to be on holiday with me…you will never want to come home. If someone with insomnia and a diagnosed anxiety disorder can handle a week of relaxation and fun, than you can too.
Aside from your usual packing tips and “where to eat” points I thought I would share with you some insight from the flip side. You see, while you are on vacation the world still goes on working. We all sit around miserable, hating the fact that you are drinking some fruity alcoholic beverage on a beach somewhere while we throw back bland black coffee in a cubicle. And the only thing worse than your obnoxious “pre-vacation” glow is your imminent arrival back where we will undoubtedly have to endure dozens of filtered instagram pictures of banal detail from ducks to sea shells…kill me.
None-the-less, there are still a few things we don’t want you to discover while on your trip for fear you may never come home…
1. Don’t go anywhere the sand is colored. In my experience, the more colorful the sand, the more incredible the place. While this may not seem scientific, there is a direct correlation between sand and awesomeness.
Exhibit A: Bermuda. Pink Sand. Not your typical Caribbean island, Bermuda has a very European feel. When walking around the main town of Hamilton you feel as though you are the tramp surrounded by incredibly sophisticated royals with great knee-high socks and pastel polos. Bermuda may be the classiest island in the Western Hemisphere and you are sure to realize the quick flight home is way more bearable than life in the real world.
Exhibit B: Lipari. Black Sand. You think you know La Dolce Vita, then you visit the Aoelian Islands off the coast on Northern Sicily and you realize, you don’t know shit. Millions of tourists visit Italy every year but only a select few get down to Sicily and even fewer to their precious volcanic islands known as the Caribbean of Europe. The volcanic materials turn the sand black, but it may as well be made of gold because everything glitters and the beauty is undeniable. Not to mention the food. Between sepia-ink pasta and fresh octopus, Lipari is a gastronomic fantasy. While the rest spend our 30-minute lunch breaks eating leftovers at our desks, you will be enjoying the catch-of-the-day (literally caught THAT day) on a 3-hour long fiesta. Just long enough of a nap to realize you never need to leave the dream-world in the Sicilian islands.
Exhibit C: Turks and Caicos. White Sand (in this case absence of color). The sand may not be pure white, but it’s as close to white as they come. Turks and Caicos is actually a string of islands at one point inhabited by the people of Exhibit A, the Bermudians. The primary city, Grand Turk, lies on an island only 6-miles in area, but those are some of the most beautiful miles of beach in the world. And that takes me to example 2…
2. Don’t go to Turks and Caicos. Turks and Caicos is arguably the most perfect island in the world, and you may never come home, which means we have to find your replacement while you go on living in paradise. A British colony, Turks and Caicos is a string of islands located south of the Bahamas, which makes their temperature perfect year-round. If you love just sitting around on a beach and feeling as far from civilization as possible, Turks and Caicos is your kind of place. Turks and Caicos even has some historical significance as it may have been the first landing spot in the Americas for Christopher Columbus. The argument against the Columbus theory: where is the evidence? Well the only thing on the island back then would have been a couple palm trees and a pristine beach. There wouldn’t have been too much for the explorers to do, so they left. And evidence they may have left would have eventually been washed away. Turks and Caicos is a glorified sand bar, it’s where you go to escape the world, not find a new one. And if sitting around on a white sand beach with crystal clear waters just isn’t your thing…then the Maragaritaville on Grand Turk most definitely will be. Slushed tequila, burgers, pool bar, Buffett >>>> Slushed ice, ham sandwich, no bar, elevator music.
3. We want you to come back. Despite our jealously that you enjoyed a great trip away while we had to endure another painful workweek, your superiors are in fact thrilled you are coming back. When someone goes away there is a bit of energy missing from the office, even if you’re the cold bitch with the snarky attitude, or the overly positive guy with the annoying laugh, you bring something or someone to talk about #entertainment. We need you to make up the ecosystem that is the workplace. As a manager and a peer I really do miss having you around, even if I will deny it until termination. You are essential and if you are gone, or even worse, never come home, there is an inevitable trickle down effect. I start hating you, not only because you are happy enjoying some awesome weather in a gorgeous place, but I am now stuck doing your job, in addition to my own shit. (Dear aforementioned sad soul who hates vacation, how’s that stress level now?) At the end of the day we need you to come home.